So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
