What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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