no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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