If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
