So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
