Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
