Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
