as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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