Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
