When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
