I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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