come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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