none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
