what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
