i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
