he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
