just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
