Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.