Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.