Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.