Texts From Last Night

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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...

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  (339): so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning... http://tfl.nu/swvs
  Replies (40) Good night (662) Bad night (2685)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

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  (806): My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do. http://tfl.nu/5eg0
  Replies (18) Good night (1313) Bad night (3757)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.

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  (503): There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday. http://tfl.nu/i12b
  Replies (4) Good night (3545) Bad night (1196)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.

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  (201): Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/9um1
  Replies (10) Good night (1695) Bad night (3452)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.

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  (678): Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date. http://tfl.nu/ovv7
  Replies (3) Good night (3020) Bad night (894)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

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  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7402) Bad night (1394)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?

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  (402): We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR? http://tfl.nu/06jo
  Replies (1) Good night (1042) Bad night (669)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.

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  (207): I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside. http://tfl.nu/y846
  Replies (6) Good night (746) Bad night (1507)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.

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  (940): Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected. http://tfl.nu/ylps
  Replies (4) Good night (1181) Bad night (749)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now

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  (917): idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now http://tfl.nu/ruxc
  Replies (3) Good night (790) Bad night (1308)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.

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  (321): When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week. http://tfl.nu/6col
  Replies (11) Good night (805) Bad night (1677)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station

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  (623): It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station http://tfl.nu/4d6r
  Replies (7) Good night (799) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.

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  (848): Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem. http://tfl.nu/e34z
  Replies (2) Good night (519) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse

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  (267): Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse http://tfl.nu/qtg9
  Replies (3) Good night (433) Bad night (231)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.

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  (403): Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late. http://tfl.nu/az6v
  Replies (4) Good night (214) Bad night (576)

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