the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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