i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.