people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
