You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
