I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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