I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
