i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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