Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
