people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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