everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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