He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
