Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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