if only i could text you this smell
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
