We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
