So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize