im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
