did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
