im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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