So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am one with the molecules
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
