there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
