i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
