12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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