its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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