i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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