yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
