working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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