I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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