i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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