she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
