Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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