Yo dont text me then not text me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
