don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
