nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In America we eat man semen.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
