This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
