Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
