I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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