doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
