He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
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My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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