problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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