just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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