I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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