Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I cockslap morals
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
