i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you have feelings for this penis?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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