I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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