Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize