I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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