On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
