Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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