And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
