It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
