Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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