You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
