elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
