a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
