you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
